This and That

Lunch with My Daughter
Though I've been a stay-at-home mother for three and a half years now, I can honestly say that yesterday is the first day my daughter and I went out to lunch. We've eaten together, been together at lunch in public and at home. But yesterday, after an appointment and before pre-school, we had an hour. We went to lunch.

She sat across the table from me. She did not climb over or under the table. She drank from her own cup and had her own meal. She talked. She colored. I talked. I day dreamed. I paid. I didn't cut her food. She didn't spill her drink. I didn't pull her coat up and off of the rug. She didn't ask me to carry her in or out or sit on my lap. We sat there at a booth where we ate lunch together. It was bittersweet. She's growing up. It's wonderful. She's growing up. It's sad. I miss my baby. I love my girl.

Black is a "boy's color" according to my daughter. "I like a boy's color," she confesses while painting with black. I'm not sure if I tried, "Why do you think it's a boy's color?" before saying, "There are no colors belonging to either gender."

My friends all laughed because my daughter practically bathes in the color pink. I wanted all green and yellow clothes at the baby shower. Hey, we were open to adopting a boy or a girl and there are SOME babies who are boys and in orphanages in China and besides, why did a girl always have to wear pink. Two weeks of "How old is he?" and I was practically french braiding her bald spots. Inexplicable even to me.

No green. I'm a liar. I had decided it was important to celebrate all our cultural traditions. But still, no corn beef and cabbage in this house on St. Patrick's Day. Even worse, I didn't wear green. I did get nostalgic about the Shamrock shakes, think about the Irish names on both sides of my family but there was no green even in the grass around here last week. My babysitter called me on it having seen the transformation of our home for Chinese New Year. Oh yeah, other cultural traditions? Well, tomorrow we're going to a festival where we'll learn about and celebrate the Kaz culture. I'm excited.

One of Kai's friends, who is very curious about adoption and why families are different sizes asked me on Weds. why there are so many kids in the world. Where there are people there are kids. I couldn't get under what he was really asking. Maybe there wasn't another question that day. Maybe the answer was o.k. It felt like words got said but we missed the real conversation. An image came on a t.v. or something. Why can't public spaces be t.v. free? I don't care what people do in their homes and mini-vans but I despise seeing t.v.'s in the mall. I feel old fashioned but I'm thinking, "Stop blasting me with images," - it feels an intrusion.