This Bites!

Six mos. ago a little skinny older kitty followed me up and down the stairs as I took the grocery bags in. Once we were inside, my daughter looked at the cat from the glass door and said, "I've waited my whole life for a cat." She was three.

I put out some milk. I put out a blanket. I called my neighbor who has five cats. The cat was so friendly and affectionate. The cat was maybe someone's lost kitty.

So, for a few nights, kitty slept on the porch. Then it got a little colder. So, we brought him in our basement. Then, into our house. Then to the vet. If, after a month, no one claimed her we could make her part of our family.

During that first one month my daughter was torn. She'd say things like, "If J doesn't have a family, that means no one loves her." This is where having a child who had been abandoned by her biological family makes a comment like that one a heartbreaker.

What I wanted to say was, "Who the hell would just let the cat loose? who would abandon it? muffled. Judgements are not so huge now that I know it's impossible to fully know about anyone's situation.

He was so affectionate and loving and patient. Sure, he did a little nipping around the ankles, was more of a biter than a scratcher but that seemed like kitten behavior. He needed more play time, more exercise and to be trained. Nips turned to bites that broken skin. K seemed to treat him like a stuffed animal and he stuck up for himself but that seemed reasonable. His chest and entire being purred. He loved to be held, to be pet and even seemed to enjoy being brushed. My neighbor with the cats marveled at his personality.

He grew bigger and bigger. His bites seemed more frequent. He would jump on my daughter as she dressed, biting her neck or her head, and his bites looked like they were skin surface, more breaking skin a little than deep down bites. My daughter loves him and is afraid of him.

It's been progressive and gradual and at the same time I can't say that he ever didn't bite. He did bite but he was smaller and the bites didn't seem dangerous or scary, just playful and annoying. But every step to train, re-direction with toys, spray bottles when his eyes were clear that he was going to bounce, a low voice - it all seemed ot make the biting worse. He bites and then bites some more. Today, I have no less than seven bites. Two on my leg, bruising and breaking skin though I was wearig pants. Two or three on each arm and a deeper one on my hand that looks like nothing but hurts the most, makes the muscle in my left hand (but not so bad I can't type).

J has a dr's appt. today. I have a doctor's appt. today. Something like 50% plus of cat bites get infected. Maybe he's in pain. Maybe he was an outdoor cat? Maybe he was stray or feral but had been neutered by a cat-friendly organization? I just don't know.

We love him but we are afraid of him. After last night's multiple bites I put him in the basement. I can't leave the cat and K alone. I don't trust the cat and K is afraid of him. I'm afraid of him. Not always. I know when I can pick him up. I can read the sign when he's gonna attack but I can't do anything in that moment when I see he's going to bite to stop him, get a bottle, use a tone, throw a toy - his eyes are locked on and he's going to bite.

So, I go to learn some today - get an opinion on how serious this is, what can and can't be done and do some soul-searching. I've not had meat since I was 14. That's 26 years. I haven't wanted to kill animals. I don't wear leather. I don't eat fish. And yet, I do not want a pet in the house that I feel is a danger - that I KNOW must be in the basement when my daughter wants to wander or has a play date. Crap. Crap. Crap.

When we first got this cat my husband said, "We have this cat for life. K can never see us as the kind of people who could ever not keep a pet. We can never give her the message in any way that we don't take care of our family."

Crap. Crap. Crap. I want to say, "But he's a cat and she's a child." But I know he's not wondering what I think but what our daughter will feel, doubt or wonder. Crap. Crap. Crap. We'll figure it out. One day at a time. Did I mention - CRAP! CRAP! CRAP!

on a lighter note, my daughter and her friend are playing Mama and they both want to be the mama. They both just turned four and are reading to each other, page by page. Well, by reading I mean looking at the pictures and telling stories. Precious. No matter what your age it's good to have friends who get you and are in your tribe. At four, some kids want to read under the covers curled up with a good Dora and some stuffed animals... some kids want to color the walls and do gymnastics on furniture. The laughs of two girls wanting to be reading mama's is heart warming...