Nothing like having a pre-schooler to bring the fun back into Christmas. You can still buy a walkie-talker set for $7.99 and thrill your child. It's so fun to put window cling-ons of snow people, snowflakes and penguins on the doors. We are looking forward to decorating the tree. So nice. And such a change. I used to be in a lousy mood from mid-Thanksgiving right through to New Year's Eve. Here's a poem from a few years ago that reminds me of how happy I am to be creating a new family life now.

Christmas:Then & Now
In the loveless lap
of a stranger
I am supposed to say
I want

Pulling on the polyester beard
looking for lips
behind cotton
and words
where I will hear
“Have you been naughty or nice?”

But I had my own
fat Santa,
a bald man
with green work pants
stirring tea and eating sardines
in the kitchen

The one who grabbed
and pulled
and placed us on his lap
to ask, “Are you a good boy
or a bad girl?” while we learned
the art of squirming

Unable to say
“Not this.
This is not what I want.”


My mother said,
“If you don’t believe in Santa Claus,
he won’t bring any gifts,” and
I believed her

She wasn’t the warmth of a blanket from the dryer
but the scratch of wool on bare skin,
strings of light, not emitting
wrapped too tight -
unable to blink

My Christmas globe
shook dirty ashes, cracked
even the gel
wanted to be thinner,
transformed into a tear
that could leak
out of that place

Prayers to a red suit
a black belt
and loveless laps
that might bring barbies
but couldn’t take anything away


We dust off the candles
in early December
one for him
one for me
On a plate we place them
and begin our ritual

For a week and a day
we say
a prayer, make one wish
and state something we are grateful for

In the dark room
of our living
finger tips touching
the flames
between our lips
Eyes closed
for contemplation
and then
breath

“one, two, three”
we blow
the past away
it falls, a glacier
crashing in the ocean
making waves

we float into a future
hands holding
and safe enough already
before the switch
of light

- - - - - - -

Happily, I've come a LONG way in my relationship with my mother since I've become a mother. Things really can change!